Why Not?

One of my goals in parenting has been to not say "no" all the time. You have kids? Then you think that is an unobtainable goal. You have to say no. With toddlers, you have to say it A LOT. But I have made an effort not to say it for no reason.

Lately I have caught myself falling into that habit. I guess because I'm tired? Lazy? Selfish? All of the above.

For example, today I told Promise she needed to take a bath. She, in turn, asked to take a shower. I said no. She cried. And I asked myself why I told her no. It's no skin of my nose for her to take a shower. No extra effort, time, or energy to pull the little shower peg thing up. So I told her she could take a bath AND a shower (meaning she had to sit down and the tub was filling, but with the shower on). She was thrilled!

She played for about 20 minutes and then asked for more water. Again, I said no. Again, I asked myself why not? What does it hurt for her to have a full bath tub instead of half full? She was playing and having fun and it was a very low stress activity for me to sit and sing songs and talk to her while she played in the tub. So again, we compromised and she got more water. A full tub in fact!

I don't want to be the mom who is always saying no. My mom was that mom. And I remember how that felt as a kid. I was smart enough to know the difference between a "necessary no" and an "I don't want to have to think about it no". I remember feeling frustrated by it. I know that disappointment and frustration are a fact of life, but I don't want to foster those feelings unnecessarily in my kids.

I want my kids to be free to explore and learn and enjoy themselves as they choose. Within reason. I will always say no to things that are dangerous. For example, I daily have to say no when she stands up in her highchair. And often have to deliver consequences when the "no" is not headed. Sigh. But I don't want to find myself limiting her play just because her requests are different than what I had in mind. Or because I don't want to deal with the mess. Or because I'm too tired or distracted to accommodate.

So, my goal is to lighten up! And my check is to ask myself "Why not?" and only say no if the answer deems it necessary. Wish me luck!