two babies. TWO BABIES.

2 babies.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
This is hard, folks.
I am not kidding you.
Who were those crazy people that told me how much fun it is to have babies so close together? I WILL find you!
It's not your fault I had my babies so close together... but the false hope, yeah, that's your fault.

You were missing my "crazy pregnant woman" rants? Don't worry... its time for "crazy postpartum mom of 2" ranting....

Today I found myself putting new mascara on top of yesterday's mascara because I was too tired to take off my makeup last night and 2 babies were crying and as I wanted to get everyone out of the house before I started crying and made the mascara pointless in the first place.... seconds are precious and I don't waste them to take off makeup in the morning.

That's happened more than once.

And of course there are the moments when my baby spits up.
In my mouth.
As I'm telling my toddler "yes, you can have another snack if you'll just. stop. crying."

My beautiful little girl is 20 months old. She's learning about 100 new words a day (okay, more like 15) and is suddenly capable of great feats like undressing herself, climbing on the kitchen table, gathering her own laundry and bringing it to the laundry room every morning, completing crafts without eating anything toxic (sometimes), and communicating exactly what she wants, her opinions on things, and joining in conversations in her own little toddler way. Its a very fun and exciting phase of toddlerhood. It is amazing to watch her learn and grow.

Baby's first beater licking!

Every time I look at her my hear fills with pride, my eyes brim with tears, and I feel overwhelmed at the blessing of being her mother. And then she starts crying. For absolutely no reason. Well, not no reason. She's not sleeping well and is constantly tired lately. She's STILL working on those stupid 2 year molars, so she's constantly in pain. And she's still adjusting to life with a baby and her ever changing schedule/routine since Mommy can't hold it together enough to stay home for more than a day at a time... so she constantly needs reassuring that the world is not ending. As a result - she's constantly whining. Ugh! I hate whining. I am trying my best to have fun activities for her (both familiar and new), to include her in the things I do, to spend as much one-on-one time with her as I can, to provide healthy foods so she is getting the nutrients she needs, to make sure she gets the sleep she needs, etc. Nothing seems to be enough. She's just not herself. I don't know what I can do to help her. And it sucks to see my baby unhappy. She's not a big girl. She's not a pre-schooler. She's a baby. Having a younger baby doesn't make her grown up all of the sudden.

Then there's the man-cub. He's adorable. I love him more than I would have believed possible. Everyone told me I would love him as much as I do Promise. I didn't really believe them because, seriously, I love that girl more than life! But I do. Honestly, its overwhelming to love them both so much because I feel like they are constantly competing not only for my attention, but for my affection. It's weird. Like I'm growing into it.

He's got that "tiny old man" thing going on in
this picture... makes me laugh

He's doing really well all things considered. He is sleeping a 6 hour stretch most nights, which is nice. He is still having some tummy trouble, but we have made great strides in that area (that's probably a post all of its own). We have created some bad sleep habits dealing with all the tummy issues though, and I am just too tired to deal with them right now. So, I push on knowing that at some point I will have to pay the piper. It will probably result in a lot more tears than if I dealt with it now, but I selfishly decided that I can't handle the tears today so will reap them with interest down the road.

He's eating well. I actually had to cut back significantly on how much he was eating because that was causing a lot of his tummy trouble. Nursing has been fairly easy this time around. Not nearly as daunting. I even got one of those covers and nurse him when we are out in about. Yeah, I hate that. Its weird. But I don't hate it as much as being stuck at home all day with my restless toddler. So nursing cover it is. Since I have oversupply, I can't pump because that would result in even more milk production, so no bottles for this kid for a while. This also means I can never go anywhere alone for more than 2 hours. Ever again. Or for a few months... which seems like forever right now.

Its heavy, this Mommy thing. I want to do everything for everyone all the time and when I can't, I kind of just give up for the day, wait for Jonathon to get home, and hope for a better tomorrow. I feel the weight of everything I'm not doing. All the things I'm not doing for my kids. And then there's all the other stuff...My house looks like it threw up on itself, I've only cooked once this week because I'm just so tired and grocery shopping with 2 babies is not my idea of fun, I STILL haven't finished the thank you cards (if you're mad at me about that - don't worry, it's coming), I've pretty much dropped the small group I'm supposed to be co-leading because it is so hard to be out that late with 2 cranky babies and I'm just SOO tired. Besides, cover or not, I'm not going to nurse my baby in a group of 20 high school girls. Oh, and I still haven't bought my Mom's birthday present (her birthday was 3 weeks ago).  I can't live up to my own expectations, much less anyone else's. I still cry a lot. But it's getting better with time. I think.

Today we drove an hour to the chiropractor because I tweaked my back last night and knew I couldn't make it through the day. Thank God for my wonderful Mother who met us there and took Promise to the park while I fed Luke so that she could burn off some energy before we drove an hour back. It was not a great morning, but when we got home miracle of miracles...

...they both slept in their own beds at the same time! I washed my hair AND shaved my legs. Things are looking up.