promise's mom

when i was pregnant a lot of people told me "you'll never be jaclyn again, you'll just be promise's mom." they said this with negative connotation, and i understand why, but i love being promise's mom - no "just" about it!  i don't think i've lost who i am, but rather found a new part of who i am.  i honestly never expected to love being a mom this much.  i knew i wanted a baby and i knew i would love her, but i didn't anticipate that i would love the position of being a mom. i especially never expected to want to be a stay at home mom - i loved working!

i can't blame her - i kiss her every time i see her too!

i've definitely changed. but for the better i think.  i'm softer - less critical, less judgmental. i realize now that my way is not the only way, or the right way, but what works for me.  you know the "live and let live" concept - i'm starting to get it.

i'm more flexible - you can't be rigid and be a mom. everyday is different (in spite of the unending schedules i make).  my husband would say that i'm less flexible because i can't just drop everything and go to a movie anymore, i have a schedule to stick to - but from my perspective i handle changes to my schedule better than i did pre-baby.

my faith has grown. a lot. partially due to our circumstances right now - faith is all we have right now, so its sort of a "fish or cut bait" kind of situation, and i KNOW that God is real and alive and has a plan for my family. but more than that, being a mother has really completely changed my understanding of God's love, mercy, compassion, and desire for his children. i had no idea how little i understood.  and as always, the more i learn the more i realize i don't know.

my marriage has grown. i know a lot of people say that kids make marriage hard. maybe it does. we talk about and try to be as prepared as we can for the pitfalls and warnings people give. i highly value the wisdom of people with more years than me.  but so far, i think promise has enriched our marriage.  i pray for jonathon more now than i used to.  i depend on him more than i used to.  if you know me at all, you know i have always been hellbent on being independent.  i'm learning to let go of that part of me. i need him - i can't raise a baby on my own.  i can't do it spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. i especially can't be a stay at home mom on my own.  i'm learning to support him more because i realize now how much i need his support. and he is such an amazing daddy!

giving biff some love

i've changed in other ways too.  i talk about poop way more than i ever would have dreamed!  seriously, i wouldn't have believed you if you told me how obsessed i would be with baby poop!  (as a side note, she is pooping regularly and well now, so its less of a topic these days). i'm slightly less modest than i used to be - my clothes can't accommodate modesty and breastfeeding.  i spend a lot of time reading parenting blogs, teaching information, recipes (i didn't cook much before promise started solids), etc. i go to bed earlier. i try to get by on less sleep, but i can't manage it. but, these changes are worth the trade off.

babies are great. my life is better with her.  i am better because of her. i love just being promise's mom.