word vomit - family update

i haven't felt very 'bloggy' lately.  there are several things i need to write about and i have several half written posts waiting to be finished. i'm just not feeling it.  we are definitely in a weird phase right now as a family.  jonathon is working 3 days a week (which is at least 4, sometimes 5 days a week) at a church in st. peters, mo.  he loves it! which is great!  we both really like the church and the people and think it is a great fit for our family.  he is currently searching for another part time job to go along side this ministry job.  once he has that we will make the move across the river(s) to st peters.

in the mean time, he is commuting an hour each way.  which sucks. mostly because he misses promise's bedtime more often than not.  that has been a hard change for me because that was our main "family time" - we would give her a bath together and then he would do bible reading while i got her dressed for bed and we would pray together as a family.  so, we need to find another way to work that in to our current schedule.  on the flip side, promise gets to have breakfast with him on days that he works so at least she sees him for a few minutes every day (the down side to that is that jonathon is NOT a morning person and doesn't visit very much during breakfast. haha.)

promise is doing great!  this is probably the smoothest month we have had so far.  she is very predictable these days. napping great, sleeping 12 hours at night!, playing well, and pretty flexible when i need to get things done.  she is constantly changing and doing new things (that i really should blog about!). i am surprised at how much her personality has already developed - i thought that didn't come until later. but she is definitely an individual and much more of a little girl than a baby every day. sigh.  we're still dealing with a little bit of separation anxiety and that sometimes makes it hard for me, but it has already improved a lot!  i think she has some more teeth coming in, which is never fun, but she's a tough cookie!  no tylenol so far this time.  she's crazy mobile right now!  and this house is not very baby friendly... one of the biggest reasons i want to get moved and settled asap.  she surprises and amazes me every single day. i am head over heals for that girl!

i finally feel like i am finding my rhythm in this family life.  it has been a weird adjustment for me - not an unwelcome one... just weird.  i never intended or desired to be a stay at home mom, and i never pictured myself in such a family oriented roll. i had every intention of putting my kids in daycare and working full time. but that has changed. i love this life! and i can't imagine it any other way.   we still don't know if i will have to go back to work or not. it is something constantly on my mind. i sometimes wake up feeling sick to my stomach because i dreamed i took promise to daycare.  i will do whatever is best for our family, but i feel an overwhelming desire to be home with my baby girl.

now all that to say, it doesn't all come naturally to me.  taking care of promise does.  i feel like being her mom is a part of who i am that has always been there, but i didn't know about it.  i don't feel like who i am has changed, but rather that i am more myself than i was before her.  i felt the same way when i married jonathon. but the part where i fix and clean up 3 meals a day, wash diapers every other night, mop the kitchen floor constantly so promise can play in it, do my grocery shopping in a mad rush to get home for naptime, and waking up at 6am.... that stuff doesn't come as naturally.  i'm getting there though.  i'm getting into a routine - and we all know i thrive on routine. and if things get particularly overwhelming, i load up my baby and we go walk around target!  all of this will change when we move again. and i will spend another few months making and learning a new routine. but it is good change.

(yeah, i said 6am!  promise wakes up at 6:30 and no matter how hard i try i never manage to spend any time reading my bible and  in prayer if i don't do it before she wakes up.  it just doesn't happen.  so, i wake up at 6am.  8 hours of sleep is enough for most normal people.  i have never been normal and always needed at least 9 to feel good.  but, i am adjusting - just another toll that motherhood has taken on my body. haha.)

god has proven himself faithful to our family again through this time of transition.  it has not been easy, and i am ready for things to settle into place for a little while.  but no matter what, he is good... and he reminds me often.

so blogging world, that is where the wilsons are these days. hopefully i will catch up on writing all things promise soon.  if nothing more, there will be news and pictures in her 8 month letter in a couple of weeks.  8 months?!?!

oh, p.s., my dad is coming in for his r&r this weekend so promise gets to spend some time with her grandpa! yay! (and i'm excited to see him too)